Monday, April 15, 2013

I just don't feel complete....

I have had this discussion with several people over the past couple of weeks. I have asked the question, do you feel like your family is complete, like you are done having children. And most of the women I have talked to have had an emphatic YES!!! They feel they are done having children and expanding their families. I on the other hand do NOT have that feeling of completion. I just feel like God has someone else out there for our family. I am struggling because I don't know, maybe I will always have this feeling. Maybe my heart will always want to have more children. I don't know. I really feel like 6 would be the most I could have.

There are days when I wonder why we have all of these children and I feel like the worst mom ever. But a majority of the time, I feel like we need at least one more. My husband has agreed to pray about it and I pray that God would give us both a CLEAR answer. I just really think I need one more little baby! And I think it would be great for Ade to have a sibling that looks like him.

I am just rambling, but that is what is on my mind lately. God please guide and direct us!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Ethiopia Part 2

One of my favorite things we did was we got to do a home visit in Korah. Korah is the trash dump where people go to survive. They dig through the trash to find food or things to sell to buy food. It is a very poor area. We got to visit with a woman who was HIV positive and had travelled there from the countryside to get medication. Basically in Ethiopia if you are HIV positive you are considered not worthy so to speak. Although they say it is getting better. One of the women had never even been to the market because she had never had the money. Heart breaking, she shared with us how her stomach hurt a lot and she had a lot of headaches. Also she said that she has a hard time paying her rent. Do you know how much her rent was? 12 dollars a month. Seriously, it was so sad. We ended the visit by laying hands on her and praying for her. I thought to myself this woman maybe hasn't had a hug in a long time because of her condition so I gave her a huge hug when we left and my friend Tammy kissed her on the cheek. It was too much. I left her house feeling like such a jerk for all that I have. 

We got to visit the Layla House Orphanage on our last day. One of my faves. There were so many babies/toddlers there that were waiting for a family. Some had a family, but most were waiting. Seriously, why does it have to be so hard to adopt? My family could have expanded by at least 3 more if we could've just taken them. It broke my heart to see all of those babies laying in those bed in those pitiful clothes knowing that my son was once there. Laying lost without a mommy and a daddy. Thank you Jesus that you led us to him.

We went to another school Trees of Glory. That is where our families sponsor child is. Mickias. I got to hand deliver our package to him and it was sooooo wonderful. He is the most handsome little guy and he wasn't at school because he was guarding the home while his mom was away and he is 8. Broke my heart. They went to get him so I could see him. He let me love on him, hug him kiss him and carry him. He was precious. And he loved his new shirt and all of his goodies. I can't wait until November when I can send him something again. Our family loves and prays for him.

This year was much more emotional than the previous trip. I feel like I cried a lot this trip. But I was glad because I want the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His and I never want to become numb to the situation in Ethiopia. I have some of my dearest friends and family members there. I was very emotional just looking around being in an orphanage watching tiny kids without proper shoes, clothing and nutrition working so hard knowing that could've been my son. My precious little baby boy whom is so pampered and loved. I am so thankful he is with us and now has a family. And especially a father. I always hear about the "fatherless" and thanks to my husband, Ade Joseph is no longer fatherless.

I am now an Ethiopian driver, my buddy Habti let me drive his car and it was amazefest and so much fun! I am the only American he has ever let drive! I'm feeling pretty special, I still have a lot to learn though!

It has been tough transitioning since I've been home. I miss my friends so much. There are like family, like my little brothers. I adore them and we have so much fun together. I love that I can totally be myself, we can be laughing hysterically one minute and sobbing the next. I am so thankful for all that the Lord has done in my heart and I am so thankful that I have a purpose outside of the home. I can't wait until next year!!!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Ethiopia 2013 Part 1

So I've been home for a few days and had some time to process and think about our trip. I would definitely say this was the best trip yet.  I don't think I've ever been this emotional in my life. My poor husband was very understanding, but I bet he wondered if I would ever stop crying!

Our week started off at church at Beza and it was awesome worshiping with other believers from half way across the world, serving the same God! And the kiddos around were a bonus!:) The pastor at Beza is great. He gave a wonderful Palm Sunday service. How cool that we were in Ethiopia on Palm Sunday? So cool.

Monday we heading to Trees of Glory. Last year I met a amazing little girl named Tigist whom I fell in love with. It always amazes me how you can meet a person 1 time see them once and year and love them with all your heart. You see we looked into adopting Tigist because the children in the Trees of Glory area are in a tough situation and some of them do not have families. But she had a family who loves her, so that is right where she belongs. But I love her like she is mine.

So we get to the school and I had been talking talking talking about how excited I was to see her and guess what, she wasn't there:(. I was heartbroken. But my awesome friend Fikre called her father and he promised she would be there on Tuesday. So I enjoyed the rest of my day handing out care packets to the kiddos from their American sponsors. One thing that broke my heart during the care packages were that we had so many sponsors that didn't send their children a packet. It made me angry to see the 50+ children without a package. These kids have NOTHING and this one of 2 times they get a bag. It literally takes 30 minutes to go to Target fill a small ziploc, write a note and send it to the representative.  I don't understand. So the looks on the kids faces was unforgettable. Thankfully we had extra things so they all got something.

The thing about the kids there is that the instant they get their bags, they start SHARING it. I always find myself wondering about my own children. No way would they start sharing their Christmas/Birthday presents right when they get him. And that always makes me sad.

So on Tuesday we headed back to Trees of Glory and guess who was there? My baby girl!!! Tigist was there. I took one look at her dropped my stuff and ran and picked her up. Pretty sure I barely let her out of my sight for 8 hours! I held her loved on her, kissed her, prayed over her. So much fun. Also we got to paint her nails! And she was so precious blowing them for 30 minutes. When I sat her down for lunch she patted her bench because she wanted me to sit with her. And if I was away from her I would randomly find her and kiss her so she had no doubt that I loved her. But my heart melted and I will never forget her little voice look up at me and say "I love you Ali!" Talk about emotional.

It came time to leave and I was dreading this part of the day. I hugged her and she buried her little lips into my cheek with the biggest kisses ever for about 5 minutes. We kept hugging each other and kissing each other. I told her I loved her and would always pray for her and sent her with the older child to walk her home. About 2 minutes later I feel a little tug at my shirt and I look down and it is Tigist with her arms up for me to hold her. Again, melting my heart. So I kissed my hand and had her kiss hers and we put them together and I told her I would always love her. I walked her out to the street and prayed for her all the way. And that was my day with Tigist.

But the thing that made me the most sad was that she didn't look as healthy as she did last year. She was so skinny and her teeth had gotten must worse. Her hair was turning red and brittle. That is the first sign that she is malnourished. Please pray for my girl that she would be healthy and well taken care of.